30 May 2012

Hate Sleeping Alone

"I say I’d rather be with you but you are not around, so I’mma call somebody up and see if they be down, cause I hate sleeping alone, I hate sleeping alone"

It’s currently 10.39pm on a Wednesday evening in Edinburgh, I’m sitting alone in bed listening to Drake – the first positive thing to come from recent events, being able to again like a multitude of things I had forgotten I liked, music, sports, films, TV shows. I know you shouldn’t ever loose yourself when you become ‘a couple’ and it’s not so much that I did, I just forgot who I was. I’ve been told that I ‘changed’ in recent times, and not for the better, when really, I just got bored of not being me, of being the me I had become to please him, instead of being the real me.

To clarify what I mean let me explain. 13th February I received a text from my (now ex) boyfriend ‘I’ve sent you an email’, I knew it wasn’t going to be good, things hadn’t been great for a while, and if I’m not 100% honest about it, they should have ended about 2 years earlier, but when someone tells you that you’re the only thing getting them through University it makes you, well me at least, feel very responsible. The email, in a shortened version was, ‘I think we should split up’, after 6.5 years it came down to an email, possibly reasonable if distance was an issue but it wasn’t, anyways, I dealt with it, it wasn’t unexpected.

For the past few months I’ve spent time again with friends & family, rediscovered my love for football, injected colour into my wardrobe, lost around a stone so far, started to enjoy running and generally feeling happier. I won’t lie, there are have been a few moments of panic, ‘what if I never find anyone?’ then I have to remind myself that I’m only 27, I’ve been single for 3 months and I should be taking the time to spend it on myself and that’s is exactly what I intend to do.  I have the next 2.5 months set out fitness wise, #bikinibodybyxmas :), I have an unexpected holiday to Turkey in two weeks time, I’m enjoying getting fitter, loosing weight is just a great bonus, and overall being happy again. I have plans with my mate Dave for a few ‘extreme’ exercises, a bungee for one and a huge list that I’m working on. I’m going to get my backside in gear and take my (driving-instructor) Uncle up on his offer of (basically free) lessons, as much as I don’t need a car, the option would be amazing, a new flatmate will be sourced after holidays, as much as I don’t mind living alone, company would be nice. Boys, sorry, men shall be taking a back seat in terms of relationships, I’m all up for hanging out etc but right now I can’t commit to something full time. And as of yesterday I’m 70/30 on signing up for next years Edinburgh Marathon, I have no idea if it’s something I can achieve, but it would be great. I have my first 10K in October, marathon is only about 4 times that! (eek!)